Friday, August 11, 2006
In My Room
There's a queer quality about locking up myself in the room which I find especially therapeutic. I mean despite it being really warm and stuffy, it's still the only place I seek comfort and solace in. It's the only place I can sing my hearts out after a day of sin; a site for redemption and self-reflection. Amidst the magnificent world, herein lies a place I can call my own, where I can truly be myself for no fear of scrutiny, mockery or the like.I'm usually lost in my own world inside, and given the already mentioned circumstances of my humble abode, there really isn't much validity in locking myself up. And many times, I just wish my parents would quit probing and leave me alone to myself. Like Don said somewhere else, "Home becomes the best therapy when you're out all the time".
I've been reflecting on my current position, and I've concluded that I really want to remain the way I am - Alone, angsty, reflective, focused and misunderstood. Alone as in single, unattached. I'm so sick and tired of the rumours between Jiawei and I, and really, I'm beginning to lose it. Please people, give me the break that I truly need. I'm already frustrated enough with other things in mind, so it would really help if the quantity of teasings you guys generously deliver could tone down. Like how I've said, I'm often misunderstood and by whatever means and for whatever reasons, you guys can find me anal or petty for losing my temper over it. But if you could even put yourself in my shoes, I firmly don't particularly think you guys will enjoy one bit of it.
If this continues, I'm afraid friendships will be strained, precious one at that. Already, Aloysius is beginning to get annoyed by my annoyance with their "jokes". Yes I don't deny that I'm taking it a bit too personally, but there's a limit to everything. Everything. And on the other hand, I feel increasingly awkward with Jiawei. The reality of the situation is such that, the unintended consequences of these rumours have taken a toil on our friendship. Everything I do that's associated with her becomes a bloody TABOO, and the same goes for her. Like geez, I just ended a relationship about month ago, and people expect me to get into another one? To compound all of that, I've been very very very tolerant. Easily, I can divert the rumours away with my Trump Card. But I know that in doing so, I will be hurting other parties and ultimately shifting the entire burden to Jiawei, which isn't very fair.
It is by no means my fault that Jiawei likes to hang around with me, or the gang for that matter. I do not deny a single bit that we share many interests in common, but to solely accord that would be an oversimplistic judgement, undeserving of the 18 years of experience you have. But the way things are turning out, it does appear like I BLOODY HELL DESERVED ALL OF THIS.
All I have to say is that if things happen, they happen. And for now, nothing has happened, and I don't think any will too in the near future. Status quo is here to stay, so don't bother fastening your seatbelts for the ultimate gossip of your life. We remain strictly as good friends. And she to me, is one of my best friends, period.
And for now, I'll shut myself up in my room and behave like a recluse. I need therapy.
Edit:
Oh yes I've just expanded my bookshelf from the 20% Sale Kinokuniya had yesterday.
Bought War and Peace, Vindication of the Rights of Women, Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde and Suffering of the World. Sacrificed my Economics revision for some non-academic enjoyment, and truly tasting the fruits of guilt as I type now haha.
posted@10:09 PM